You can blame it on post-travel blues, you can blame it on the fact that I have been denied the chance to study Mandarin this year, and you can blame the fact that I am far away from someone I truly love and care about. But, I feel like I am at a melting point in my life. I feel that precious time is ticking by so slowly when I want it to go faster, and precious time runs too fast when I want to enjoy the moments. My mind is almost at the brink of exploding from one too many questions about what to do in life, how to achieve this and that, and money.
One of my many disadvantages is not being able to handle change very well. Either I get extremely upset and unable to cheer myself up until after quite some time or I become extremely sensitive about everything. I admit that because having just arrived back from an amazing month's stay in Daegu, which has gotten me feeling all depressed and empty. The experience was biased, having my boyfriend with me the entire time, was the entire point of my staying there so long. And so, of course, there was nothing but just fun times for me. But this is what makes me so motivated to go back to South Korea. I want to experience working there. The act of living in South Korea, living among a culture unfamiliar to me (even though I am of the same East Asian relation), and to be plopped into a society of different norms, was just an eye-opening experience that I want to do all over again. Ever since I arrived back here, bout with a mild fever from the sudden weather change, I have been researching endlessly for ways to go back to South Korea, and this time for an actual purpose. To find an internship, to work, or to study. So far, I've only been able to find one. If I had found more, I'd have to say this first one is the best because it is in Daegu, in the very university that my boyfriend studies in. My motivations for this internship is not for my boyfriend. If I do succeed in being accepted, my boyfriend would have already graduated and would most likely be working somewhere in Daegu. Anyway, I would get the chance to interact with university students and be able to help them with their English, while assisting the department where I would be placed in. Being put in this environment, I can't imagine the plethora of information I would be receiving both physically, mentally and emotionally. It's a paid internship so that just sweetens the deal by a long shot! But before, I apply, I must be accepted into a graduate course, as I have to have a student status at the time of application.
But before I can apply, I have too many things on mind that need doing. The fact that it's the weekend where nothing is open and I am unable to do my university-related matters is the most troublesome of all. On top of that, I have these smaller issues that need doing, yet I am unsure of how to start at them. The best solution is to just start doing something, but for me, it's easier said than done. I am afraid of many things at the moment. I need a friend to talk to, I need my boyfriend to talk to, but I feel like both of these are too busy at the moment. Waiting is the best thing to do. But what do I do while I wait??
My mind is cluttered with information and it needs to be organised. I need to organise things out and make sure I do what's most important first.
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