It sure is hard to keep this blog from being a travel journal to a personal blog where I just want to let my feelings out. At the moment, however, this is exactly what I want to do. Hoping that whoever reads this can bear through just one entry of my unnecessary complaining, I only wish to let out questions and my opinions on certain things regarding your loved ones, i.e. your boyfriends.
Being with my boyfriend, being reunited with him after 5 long months of separation feels amazing. Every day, I never forget to give thanks that I am able to travel all this way to spend this great month with him. All things seem to be going great. However, as time has passed by, his being in Korea has somehow limited his English knowledge... again. It's quite amusing considering that he's preparing for an English exam that will greatly aid him in his search for work once he finishes. Despite all this preparation for the exam, he seems to have forgotten a fair amount of English. Communicating with him, on the whole, has been somewhat alright. But there are times when I think to myself, how could he have forgotten this or that? I never make fun or criticise his English, but there are times when it is necessary to let him be aware of such things. How I wish I could communicate with him fully and wholeheartedly. Whenever I do, all I usually get in return is a confused look and the question to repeat what I had just said again. It's frustrating to do, but I try my best to give a poker face and tell the story again. It was only tonight as I was sitting in the café with him, when he simply just picked up a book and started reading it rather than trying to talk to me. And this hasn't been the only time that this has happened. This has happened pretty much every time we are alone together. They only fully-functioning topic on his mind is sex, as sad as it may sound. I feel that because of this limitation, I am missing out on something more amazing in our relationship. How I wish he would try to talk to me, to chat with me. I want him to be able to talk to me freely, to come to me when he has problems. I want to be his home away from home. I want to help him with his problems! Let him know that I am his beacon of light. But because of certain barriers, this prevents me from fully giving my aid to him, as much as I want to.
What is the solution to this? Either I study my arse off in Korean, or he simply tries to talk to me some more. I know his English is just as good as it was when we were in Seattle. It's hard to remind him of that. I get extremely jealous when he can have a fully conversation with some friends of his (who happen to be girls), when all he can do is remain silent whenever he's with me. It hurts a lot to see this. It makes me feel like I'm a bore, that there is nothing decent to talk about or at least worth TRYING to talk about. It hurts. I try to tell him, but I feel like he doesn't fully understand what I mean. What to do, what do to... That is the question.
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