Low point.

Aside from suffering post-travel blues even if it's been more than a week since my arrival, I feel that I am reaching a low point in my life. I am faced with a few problems and anxieties, but I am not able to handle it as well as I thought. So, I am making myself suffer unnecessarily, by adding on more weight to problems when they can be lighter. What's more sad is that I am putting more stress on my boyfriend, but depending on him. He has his own things to worry about, yet I put pressure on him by suffocating him. He can tell it as well as I that we have been arguing for pathetic reasons many, many times now. It's sad. The last thing I need is to see a beautiful relationship come to an end. That idea is even unfathomable, and I refuse to believe that it will happen.
I know the distance is the main issue that's been causing all these negative emotions to emerge, lack of confidence, no sense of purpose, and all those melodramatic excuses. I thought I was the last person on earth to be faced with these problems. But look who came knocking on my door! Regarding my boyfriend, I'm unsure if I should push him away by telling him that he should get space away from me. The last thing I want to do is distance myself away from the most important people in my life, and eventually lose them.

My mind feels so heavy, and my emotions are uncontrollable at times. Crying for no reason is one of the symptoms. This crying sounds so unhealthy, and I'm unsure if I should turn to counselling. In some cases, it's the best thing to do. But again, I refuse to accept the fact that there is something wrong with me. Of course, this is the wrong attitude, and I should do what is right. I hope that I can find some strength somewhere. I hope I do get accepted to do this internship, that's my lifeline right now.